Attention All Nerds!

I have a seemingly unsolvable puzzle on my hands. I will give anyone who can honestly answer my question a big plate of chocolate chip cookies. Here's the story.

I SWEAR I dress my kids in clean, matching outfits everyday. I comb and gel their hair everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I even try when my efforts are destroyed as soon as they eat anything. By anything I mean anything. A simple carrot stick will somehow end up mashed into their shirts or pants causing a lovely orange blob to attached itself indefinitely. And forget about the backyard. You know the sad thing about this picture is that both Nathan and Kenny did this to themselves. That's right. In boy world throwing dirt on yourself is as fun as playing with worms or using sticks a light sabers. You don't find little girls throwing dirt in their own hair. Someone else...maybe...but not their own.

Now here's the thing. In this picture, the shirt Nathan is wearing is a snapped-between-the-legs onesie with a pair of shorts over the onesie that he actually kept on for a change. He left a trail of dirt as he paraded upstairs for a bath and left a nice little pile on the floor of his room when he jumped up and down. I took off his shorts and unsnapped his shirt. About a 1/2 cup of dirt fell onto the floor. I thought, "What on earth was he doing outside to get this much of it under his shorts?" Then I undid his diaper. Another full 1/2 cup of dirt feel out. Now I thought, "Wow, my son has just done what top physicists around the world would love to do. He has defied the laws of gravity without use of any specialized equipment!"

Seriously...how did he do that? How did he get THAT much dirt under his shorts, inside his onesie, up his stomach, and back down inside his diaper on the bum-side heading back up his back?!?

Come on. I am open to any suggestions.

Just give me a simple scientific or mathematical explanation.

No one?!?

Hmm...maybe I should ask NASA.

Update

Sorry it's been a few days. We've been really busy. We all have colds that are just NOT giving up. I got attacked by a student a few days ago. I have had chairs, books, and desks thrown at me, but I haven't ever been attacked. This little 6 year old boy was trying to run away. I was blocking the door while another teacher blocked my class as this little guy was going crazy. By crazy I mean kicking, screaming, and thrashing around. He grabbed my pinky finger and bent it backwards. I told him to stop because he was hurting me and he looked me right in the eye and bent it back the rest of the way. At the same time, he reared his head back and slammed it into my stomach three times. About 30 seconds later the assistant principals arrived. As they were taking him to the office, he writhed out of their grasp and took off out the front door of the school. They chased him down and got him into the office. They locked all the office doors and stood barring them while he screamed, and kicked, and threw things around for awhile. And the best part...his Mom thought it was funny!

Sleepover

Occasionally, Ken has sleepovers with the boys. They drag their blankets, pillows, blankies, binky, and bear (they like the letter B) to the living room. They stay up late playing Lego Star Wars. Eventually, they quit playing and start a movie. Before the opening credits are done, both boys are fast asleep. They love these little sleepovers. I took this picture the next morning before I left for work.


Speaking of Lego Star Wars- that game rules our house. Kenny will do anything to earn game playing minutes. It's like having a servant-boy in the house. Which is, of course, the purpose of having children. Unfortunately, most of the time he forgets what it is you asked him to get for you before he gets to it. He usually ends up bringing you some random item. And he's so used to getting us diapers for Nathan that when he forgets what you asked for he just brings you a diaper.

Okay, I've rambled enough.

Umm...What Are You Doing?

"Playing crashing rockets, Mom. This is our crashing rocket and we are going to crash on the train table."

"Okay. Have fun."

First Day of Preschool

The boys are both going to the same school this year. We enrolled Nathan for enrichment purposes. His only playmate is his brother, and we felt he should have interaction with kids who don't boss him around every second of his life. Nathan goes twice a week, and Kenny goes three times a week. They have a great time. It's really good for them.

These are pictures of their first day. Kenny is helping out Nathan because he's been to school so he knows how this goes.
Hey Nathan, your diaper's hanging out. Nathan? Naaaathan. Okay, whatever. You dislike pants so much you probably don't care.
Look at these handsome little men. Nathan LOVES his backpack. He wants to wear it all the time. And Kenny really likes his cool Cars lunch box. I wish they could stay little forever.

Boy, they really look like brothers.

Oh Kenny...

Last night during family prayer Kenny said, "Please thank me that I'll get a new crashing rocket. And please help Mommy and Daddy appreciate me when they do something wrong."

We tried VERY hard not to laugh, but we were not successful.

Kids!

Look at these two little sweeties. Best Friends. Always together. Being brothers. Enjoying each other's company. I love to see them play so well together.

That was then. Now our house resembles this.

My two boys will not get along for anything! I know, I've tried. I'm not one of those moms who writes a book about how to raise perfect children who use only intrinsic motivation to behave themselves. I'm not above bribery. It works for most adults, why not kids. But no amount of treats, or time-outs, or scary mom voices will get these boys to be friends. I really hope this is just a phase or I may be forced to send them both to military school.

They take preschoolers, right?!?

Please say they do.

No really, just lie to me and say they do. It'll help me sleep at night. Otherwise I may end up looking like this!