So Chiara, Nathan, and I just got back from pre-registration at the hospital. It was a wonderful event. Nathan and I played "Lightning McQueen" while Chiara was "processed". Processing entails gobs of paperwork... legal forms, releases of liability, blood work, AIDS tests, terrorist screenings, animal sacrifices, an so on...
...done in quadrouplicate...
...you forgot to initial sub-paragraph j of section 3, part f, subpart 17, line-item 20...
...we need you to attach your signature, a thumb print in blood here, and your first-born attached here...
...Now let's move on the the paperwork for your baby...
HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!! Apparently now kids come out of the womb with a law degree of some sort. Either that, or the hospital is extremely paranoid about...
...come closer, I'll whisper it to you...
...you know... the "L" word...
Liability.
Nah... Hospitals and Insurance companies are more than happy to listen to your concerns, and address your needs. All you have to do is ask. They are more than happy to listen, and then address your concerns... by telling you "NO. Sorry, our policy bla bla bla bla bla..."
Apparently, if you really want to have your concerns/needs addressed by large organizations, you have to either be wealthy, powerful, or you have to hire a lawer and sue (which also requires money). God bless America!!!
After all the paperwork was done, we asked if we could tour the facility to get a better idea of what to expect. The nurse nodded her head and said, "Yeah. That makes sense, but unfortunately, NO. We can't do that. All of our rooms are full."
Understandable... Adding more people to the peanut gallery that has full access to spread-eagled-popping-screaming-naked-women-writhing-in-pain is not something the hospital will allow. Good to know...
"What about the nursery?"
"No."
"Umm... any facilites???"
"You can walk around this room we're currently in."
"Gee, Thanks... Could we get at least get textual description of the facilities?!"
{thoughtful pause} "Ok."
HOLY CRAP!!!!
During this process it was brought to my attention that the Dr. would be performing the circumcision... Great. This is the same Dr. who laughed at me after my last son's birth because I asked her if I could be there with my son when he was circumcised. This is not going to happen. Oh well... I guess that will just have to be a special experience I share with just my first-born... At least I still get to do the other stuff... you know... like give him his first bath, brush his hair, dress him, and all of those other things I do to bond with my newly born child.
"No, you don't."
Apparently you have to be a trained specialist to do this in Texas, because when it comes to things like baths, there are too many security and liability concerns to let anybody other than hospital staff do this job.... Oh and Dad's are considered to be complete-freaking-morons, who can barely walk and chew gum at the same time.
"By the way, we also drowned your kitten, and shot bambi..."
So, I have a few special memories of getting to be involved with my oldest, a couple with my second, and I get to take pictures of other people handling my son this time...
"No. No pictures allowed in the nursery area due to privacy and security issues..."
HOLY #@&*!!!! (In case you were wondering, the # in that word doesn't stand for 'S'.)
Well... on the bright side, at least I've been forewarned that my Dad duties will be taken care of for me. I can at least spend this moment getting it out of my system, so that I can be there for my wife, which is my most important duty of all. (I don't really get how cheering "GO TEAM GO! helps the process out much, but I'll be full-on ready to do my part when it comes time! That is... IF hospital policies allow for it...)
Seriously, I am a little hurt and disappointed that so many of ways that I have personally bonded with my other boys have been squashed out of the picture for this go-around with such complete indifference. I was really looking forward to that stuff... I understand that I'm not like most guys because I really, really enjoy being involved from the very beginning. I know I'm being totally selfish right now and that I'm not going to be the one on the table in excruciating agony tomorrow, but I am the father, dammit, and I DO MATTER!
Thank you for bearing with me through this, and now that I have this off my chest, I can get back to my most important duty of all, supporting my beautiful wife while she brings our precious little boy into the world. She is truly amazing, and I love her with all that I am, and I am grateful that she puts up with these bouts of selfish tirades that I succomb to from time to time. I don't know how she does what she does, or how it is that she is able to tolerate me, but I do know one thing. I know that I am very lucky to have her.
5 comments:
Ken- you have every reason to be upset. And I think that you also should consider moving the family back to the happiness that is Iowa. They let husbands take pictures in nurseries (I would never have seen my new son after the emergency c-section otherwise) they asked us if we wanted to help with the baths, go to the circumcision, etc. Along with no hurricanes, Iowa is the place to be. Then again, I think you were in the 60s today while we are falling steadily from 20 down to the teens... but other than that, we rock. Good luck tomorrow!!! Your new baby will share a birthday with Sue Buelow! A wonderful compatriot.
Kenny, Texas hospitals may not allow you to be the wonderful, helping father we know you to be, but we know as soon as you leave their confines you will rock! You have the experience from the first two (who by the way look like you definitely know what you are doing!) and baby Yeates will be truly blessed to have you there for him as soon as you can be. Be sure and save a copy of your blog entry for him in later years, he will enjoy it as much as we did.
January 24 turns out very special children -I say with proof - Sue Buelow was born 29 years ago on that date! Thoughts and prayers are with you and Chiara and all the family. Since they won't let you participate, take a deep breath, sit back and take in the moments and memories and know that you can be called on if needed!
Good luck!
P S agree with Erin, Iowa is a good place to raise a family, and would love to see you nearby as well!
Maybe we'll see you in July?
Sorry you don't get to do all the things that you want. At least you can be there still. And when you come home you will continue to be the really awesome dad that you always are. You boys are very lucky to have such an involved father. And you are point on that you are lucky to have Chiara as your wife and mother of your children. She really rocks too. Love ya both and anxious to see precious little #3.
I am sorry for the lack of fun you get to have. I have really enjoyed being there for my two girls for everything. I would be just as mad as you if I were you. Good luck tomorrow. I can't wait to hear from you and see pictures. This has truely been a great year for the Hursts. Congrats to you all again.
Mike
shoot! that all sounds ridiculous. I hope all went well today. All my love you your family.
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